im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
