hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
