I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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