So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
