Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
