maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
