Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
