38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
