chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
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