pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
