I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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