My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
