He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
