i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
