apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
