How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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