also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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