Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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