It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
