She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A+ Viking dick
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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