At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
