I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
