I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
