I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
