Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
