we have pet lesbian snakes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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