I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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