Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
