Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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