Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this just has baby written all over it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
