he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
