literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
