maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
