Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
