grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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