Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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