The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
