I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
