I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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