I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
