can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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