Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
