Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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