We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
