foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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