Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
