This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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