seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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