My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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