Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
