that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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