normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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