Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
