I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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