I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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