dude i'm inner monologue high
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
