Acid is not a monday night drug
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
