Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
