Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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