only you would photoshop your dick
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
