mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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