Soap is not a condiment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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