My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
