You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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