I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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