So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
